The abuser uses some tactics and actions, which leads to the domination and control over the victim. These tactics are used simultaneously, individually or in different combinations, and their choice, way application, intensity, and frequency depend on the characteristics of each perpetrator, his or her assessments and goals him/she wants to achieve.
Bully can resort to physical (and sexual) violence if these tactics do not give the desired effect or when the perpetrator wants to speed them up, enforce or reinforce the effects of violence. The most common tactics are:
It begins at the beginning of a relationship, is usually as possessive attention that is gradually spreading to all areas of life of a victim. The violator skillfully camouflages this behavior as love. The goal of this tactic is to achieve obedience, gratitude, even love, with the ultimate goal of accomplishment “voluntary” victims. Controlling all aspects of victims life (including body control) disables the victim so that she begins to believe that she cannot independently carry out basic life activities, and is demoralized.
They keep the victim in a constant state of fear that is amplified by imposing meaningless demands and rules, by violence that is unpredictable. At the same time, the wholesome participation of “petty graces” undermines the psychological resistance of the victim and creates the hope that a change will occur (that the partnership relationship will return to the “old state”). Responsibility for violence is shifted to “external factors” (alcohol, loss of work, economic situation, disobedience of children, etc.). This behavior aims to link the victim to the perpetrator.
It enhances the abuser’s power, which is limited as long as the victim maintains its relationships with other people. He tries to isolate the victim from the emotional support and help, so that “the house begins to look like a solitary”. Persistent accusations of unbelief lead the woman to leave her job, break up friendships and family relationships. The more isolated she is, the more dependent she becomes to the only permissible relationship – with a partner abuser. Since there is no “other world” for her, she begins to observe everything around her through the eyes of the abuser, which creates a distorted picture of reality.
It is created by the fear, control, isolation, random mercy, and the imposed dependence, and that successfully creates a submissive and obedient victim. The final control is achieved when the victim leaves her moral principles. This implies the belief that the abuser is all-powerful (no one can stop or control him), that the resistance is futile, that life depends on abusers grace, which will come through absolute obedience.